How to Express Your Thoughts And Feelings Constructively

express thoughts and emotions to others

This is the third part in the series on Emotional Intelligence.

In the first post, I defined Emotional Intelligence. In the second, I listed the 5 Key Components of Emotional Intelligence and talked about the first component, Self-Perception, and its 3 sub-components: Self Regard, Self Actualization, and Emotional Self Awareness.

As mentioned in my previous posts, the model that I’m walking you through is based on EQi2.0 by Canada based Multi Health Systems Inc.

self perception in emotional intelligence

In this post, I’ll discuss 2 more key components of Emotional Intelligence – Self Expression and Interpersonal.


Self-Expression is your ability to understand and articulate the What, Why and the How of your emotions in a constructive manner.

What: what is the Emotion you’re undergoing?

Why: Why are you undergoing the Emotion?

How: How is it impacting you – physically and mentally?

Self-Expression has 3 sub-components:

  1. Emotional Expression
  2. Assertiveness
  3. Independence

1. Emotional Expression

Emotional Expression is one’s ability to openly express their emotions. The form of expression can be both verbal and non-verbal.

There’s a widespread misconception that emotionally intelligent people do not express their emotions and are excellent at concealing emotions linked to displeasure and sadness.

On the contrary, emotionally intelligent people are good at articulating their emotions, their underlying causes, and their potential impact. As a result, people view them as transparent individuals. This trait helps them gain trust.

2. Assertiveness

Assertiveness is the ability to communicate thoughts feelings and beliefs openly, in a socially acceptable and constructive manner.

While Assertive and Aggressive behaviors are used interchangeably by some, they’re different in nature. In simple terms, an Aggressive individual is always focused on self while an Assertive individual focusses on a “win-win” for all those involved.

the qualities of an assertive individual

Being Assertive helps an individual by ensuring that there are no hard-feelings left after a conversation and at the same time ensures that there is clarity all around.

3. Independence

Independence is about being self-directed. It’s the ability to free oneself from emotional dependency on others. It can be gauged by assessing how autonomous one is in taking decisions and executing daily tasks.

Depending on someone often causes a lot of stress. Independent people are self-confident, calm and composed.

Overall, Self-Expression helps us maintain transparency and builds trust in a very cordial manner.


The Interpersonal composite of Emotional Intelligence deals with managing the aspects relating to relationships. This requires one to understand others, assess their needs, be respectful of others and behave in a mutually beneficial manner.

It has 3 sub-components:

  1. Interpersonal Relationships
  2. Empathy
  3. Social Responsibility

1. Interpersonal Relationships

Interpersonal Relationships refers to the ability to build and manage mutually satisfying relationships. It’s important to note that these relationships should be “mutually satisfying” and not one-sided. The building blocks of such relationships are trust and compassion.

2. Empathy

Empathy means to recognize, understand and appreciate how others feel. It’s the ability to articulate our understanding of the other’s perspective and respect their feelings.

While Sympathy and Empathy are often used interchangeably, one key differentiator between the two of them is – Empathy requires you to put yourself in other’s shoes to understand and feel what they are going through. However, when you sympathize with someone, you feel bad for that person while you don’t exactly know how that person feels.

3. Social Responsibility

Social Responsibility is the willingness to step up and contribute to society, either towards the general welfare of others or one’s social groups. It involves showing concern and acting responsibly for the broader society. In simple terms, it talks about being compassionate.

Summing it up, Interpersonal composite is all about your ability to understand others and act in a constructive manner in building relationships.


(Aditya Kuchibhotla is a Career Coach and a Life Coach helping people with their personal and professional aspects. You can reach out to him on

Related Books:

Emotional Intelligence 2.0 – Travis Bradberry

Organizational Development – Wendell L. French and Cecil H. Bell

What to Say When You Talk to Yourself – Shad Helmstetter

Choose Yourself – James Altucher


Picture of Aditya Kuchibhotla

Aditya Kuchibhotla

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